Low self-esteem and low self-worth triggered excessive drinking, dangerous liaisons, financial, sexual, psychological, physical, narcissistic, and self-abuse. Kelly fell deeper into the doldrums of hell and the shame of it was that it became commonplace. She felt so comfortable wallowing in her own defecation that it no longer experienced any stench associated with it. She would have to literally get drunk to numb her soul and body to even kiss, less known anything else, with any man with whom she was involved. At the time, she genuinely believed that she was an alcoholic. She learned later that this was untrue. She was just in an acute survival mode which later turned chronic.
Much later in life, as time ensued, and after many years of other abuses she began to feel her inner child come to life. Nevertheless, she was trapped. She was enveloped amongst 10,000 bad deeds and bad experiences. Her authentic self was tormented to a level of psychological abuse that she could not even come to the rescue of her inner self. Somehow, she could not extricate herself from the hell that she had created within her. Over many countless nights of experiencing what she felt to be rape, by the person who she supposedly loved, and countless days of waking up never knowing what that day would bring, she had reached the lowest point of her life.
They say that “Clarity is a b**ch”. Kelly had always known exactly who she always wanted to be; however, at the same time she realized who she had become, a total wreck.