Identifying Sexual Abuse in Marriage

by- Hannah Jagiri

When people hear Sexual Abuse, it is typically not discussed in the context of marriage. Sexual Abuse can occur even in marriages. Sexual Abuse refers to patterns that are used to manipulate, influence, or control your partner sexually. This form of abuse can either be forcing your partner to have sex with you, or using manipulation to coerce your partner into having sexual relations with you.

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, “1 in 10 women have been raped by an intimate partner”(National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2022). Sexual Abuse in marriage is backed by statistics to continue to bring awareness of this form of abuse. No matter where Sexual Abuse occurs, it can also be perpetuated in our own homes.

How do you recognize Sexual Abuse in a marriage?

Rape without consent is a crime, and being married is not an excuse to be exempt from a safe and intimate relationship. Marriage is about a partnership, commitment, and love. “In many settings, 20–30% of women have experienced it at some stage in their lives, with intimate partners the most common group of perpetrators” (Dartnall et al., 2008). When sex is a manipulation tool or used in force by a partner, that constitutes as Sexual Abuse. Here are signs to look out for in a marriage.

Withholding Sex as a Form of Punishment

Withholding sex to gain something or to control someone’s life is manipulation. If a partner often refuses sex whenever events or situations do not go their way, this is both Sexual and Psychological Abuse. The best way to settle a dispute is to have an open conversation about the situation. When a partner deliberately withholds sex as a form of punishment or gaslighting, this exerts control and exercises dominance in the marriage.

Marital Rape

“Rape in a romantic relationship and marriage is considered intimate partner violence. This includes forced sex and sexual assault between spouses” (Russell et al.,2021). Rape is non-consensual sex with someone and even perpetuated by your partner. Centers for Disease Control reported 46.7% of females and 44.9% of males in the United States were victims of rape by an acquaintance (Breiding, et al., 2014 ). The CDC’s 2011 report stated 45.4% of female rape victims and 29% of male rape victims were victims of rape by an intimate partner (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2022).

Being Forced into Sexual Activities

Individuals forced to do sexual activities or controlled with non-consensualalgratification are Sexually Abused in their relationship. Sexual acts should always be consented to in a marriage and partnership, and any forms of force or coercion is a sign of an abusive partner.

Criticizes Physical Appearances

A partner who uses offensive language and criticizes physical appearances and their partner’s body, is a form of abuse. A partner should not criticize their partner’s appearance and undermine their self worth, and should always make their loved ones feel loved and appreciate them in all stages of life.

Sexual Abuse in a marriage can be difficult to recognize when it is not visible to others to indicate their situation is harmful. Marriage is not an excuse for anyone to be a perpetuator of Sexual Abuse. Seek help immediately if you recognize the signs of Sexual Abuse in your marriage or if someone you love is suffering from this form of abuse.

We at ARO are here to support you in your personal healing journey to complete well-being. We bring awareness and education to 13 different types of abuse including Narcissistic, Sexual, Physical, Psychological, Financial, Child, Self, Cyberbullying, Bullying, Spousal, Elderly, Isolation, and Workplace, and help others heal and find peace. Please support our efforts by going to GoARO.org to learn how you can make an impact on the Abuse Care Community.

References

Breiding, M., Smith, S., Basile, K., Walters, M., Chen, J., & Merrick, M. (2014 , September 5). Prevalence and Characteristics of Sexual Violence, Stalking, and Intimate Partner Violence Victimization- National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. CDC. https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/ss6308a1.htm?s_cid=ss6308a1_e

Jewkes, R., Dartnall, L. (2008). Sexual violence. International Encyclopedia of Public Health, 723–731. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780123739605000678

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. (2022). National Statistics. https://ncadv.org/

Russell, R., & Silva Casabianca, S. (2021, June 22). What is marital rape? Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/lib/marital-rape#why-marital-rape-happens