“Develop Thick Skin”: When PhD Advisors Become Abusers
BY: Dylan Kretchmar
Earning a PhD is often seen as one of academia’s highest achievements. For many students, it is driven by passion, curiosity, and years of dedication to a field they deeply care about. But behind the prestige of doctoral programs lies a reality many graduate students quietly endure: exploitation, intimidation, and abuse.
Most PhD programs in the United States take between four and seven years to complete. During that time, students work long hours conducting research, teaching, publishing, and building professional networks that will shape their future careers. Success depends heavily on one relationship above all others: the advisor–advisee relationship.
A supportive advisor can transform a student’s experience, helping them grow intellectually and professionally. But a toxic advisor can do the opposite. Because PhD students rely on advisors for funding, recommendations, research access, and career opportunities, abusive dynamics can leave students feeling trapped with few safe ways to escape.
And for many students, this abuse is not rare.
Like a Lamb to Slaughter
The PhD system in the United States is both highly competitive and structurally constrained in ways that can leave students vulnerable to unhealthy academic environments. Gaining admission to a strong PhD program – particularly one that aligns closely with a student’s specialized research interests – is an intensive, competitive, and time-consuming process. With limited spots, funding, and available advisors, applicants often invest substantial resources into building competitive portfolios and navigating multiple application cycles, all in pursuit of a position that will shape their long-term career trajectory (Grad, 2022).
These constraints limit students’ ability to be selective about whom they work with. While many advisors are both accomplished scholars and supportive mentors, others fall short, creating the potential for strained or inequitable advisor–advisee relationships over the course of four to seven years. When such relationships deteriorate, students will face significant barriers to change advisors or programs. Transferring to a new advisor or program will entail considerable costs, including lost funding, delayed progress toward the degree, or the need to repeat coursework at a different institution. For students who have relocated far from home, these challenges can be compounded by isolation from personal support systems (Grad, 2022).
Additionally, the relatively close-knit nature of many academic fields can discourage students from addressing conflicts directly. Concerns about reputational consequences or “burning bridges” early in their careers may further limit options and trap students in difficult situations with few viable paths forward. Once a student commits to a program, the relationship between advisor and advisee becomes a nearly captive one.
The Rite of Passage Problem
A 2019 Nature survey of more than 6,300 graduate and early-career researchers found that 21% of respondents experienced bullying during their PhD, and nearly half identified their supervisor as the source. Respondents noted that they felt unable to report these behaviors due to fear of retaliation or damage to their careers (Ziani, 2021) .
Over time, these patterns have been perpetuated and normalized within academic culture, reinforcing the idea that such experiences are a “rite of passage.” Students are often implicitly told that enduring hardship and developing a “thick skin” is simply part of earning a PhD. As a result, this harmful behavior is minimized or dismissed, and the suffering of graduate students is not taken as seriously as it should be (Ziani, 2021) .
Academic Abuse can take many forms, spanning psychological, verbal, physical, and sexual misconduct (Grad, 2022):
- Public humiliation or ridicule
- Yelling, insults, or intimidation
- Ignoring students or withholding feedback
- Taking credit for student ideas or work
- Threatening funding or academic progress
- Unrealistic or constantly shifting expectations
- Gaslighting and manipulation
- Sexual harassment or coercion
- Isolation from collaborators or opportunities
- Physical intimidation or assault
The consequences can be severe. Students report anxiety, depression, panic attacks, burnout, and loss of passion for their field. Some leave academia entirely or face significant and costly disruptions to their career paths. Others carry the emotional damage for years. Victims of abuse can also go on to become abusers themselves and continue this harmful rite of passage.
E’s Abusive Advisor
E entered graduate school driven by a deep passion for ecology. Less than a month into her first program, she was removed from her advisor’s lab for being considered “too feminist” to work in science. Suddenly left scrambling, E had only a few months to study for a new admissions exam and find another advisor willing to take her on. Desperate to stay in academia, she was prepared to commit to anyone who had room for her and seemed more decent than her previous advisor (Earthy Colours, 2020).
After weeks of searching, E connected with a middle-aged female professor who shared similar research interests. Believing that working with another woman might offer a safer and more supportive environment, E committed to the program.
Instead, she found herself trapped in another abusive environment.
The program was accelerated, leaving little room for mistakes or delays, exactly the kind of environment where strong mentorship mattered most. Yet E’s advisor was chronically late, unprepared, and unreliable.
When E scheduled meetings at 2 p.m. to discuss her research, she would often find herself waiting outside her professor’s office until 8 p.m. because her advisor had forgotten about the appointment. Other graduate students frequently waited there too, sitting for hours in a tense, exhausted line. When the advisor finally arrived, she neither apologized nor acknowledged the delay. In fact, she seemed annoyed to see them all still there (Earthy Colours, 2020).
When E submitted important documents requiring timely feedback, weeks would pass without a response. Emails and phone calls went unanswered. Only during their eventual meetings (hours after they were supposed to begin) would E’s advisor promise that the comments were coming soon.
E also noticed her advisor’s tendency to disparage other students behind their backs. She regularly complained to E that her other advisees were “needy” or “slow.” E sat through these conversations uncomfortably, aware that she was likely being discussed the same way when she was absent. During student presentations, the advisor publicly criticized and harshly grilled her advisees to tears. Yet whenever another professor entered the room, her demeanor shifted instantly into warmth and encouragement (Earthy Colours, 2020).
Although E had a broad sense of the ecological questions she wanted to study, she was still learning. Instead of guiding her or pointing her toward helpful resources, however, her advisor responded to these questions with blank stares and cutting remarks such as, “How do you not know that?” or “That question doesn’t make sense.” On one occasion, when E presented a novel idea uncovered during her research, her advisor dismissed it as unoriginal. Weeks later, E overheard her advisor presenting the same idea to colleagues as if it were her own.
With every disparaging comment, missed deadline, and stolen idea, E’s confidence eroded further. Rather than developing the “thick skin” her advisor claimed she needed, E felt stripped raw. She increasingly felt powerless to defend herself and hopeless to even try.
The stress soon became physical. E recalled working late nights and holidays, only to be yelled at for missing a step or “doing everything wrong.” Even during evenings off, she found herself retreating to bathrooms to manage panic attacks triggered by guilt over not working on her project (Earthy Colours, 2020).
Miraculously, E managed to complete the final draft of her dissertation on time. After countless sleepless nights and emotionally draining months, the project was finally finished. All that remained was for her advisor to review the document and return final comments before the dissertation defense two weeks later.
But when E submitted the draft, her advisor barely looked at it before declaring that the dissertation was “too raw” and insisting the defense be delayed so the work could become “perfect”. E, exhausted and determined to finish, refused to postpone.
Days passed with no feedback. Emails, phone calls, and office visits went unanswered. With only one day remaining before the deadline to submit her work, E finally contacted the program coordinator and spilled everything: the months of delays, the intimidation, the fear, and the months of emotional distress, (Earthy Colours, 2020).
The coordinator responded quickly. Although concerned, they also acknowledged the advisor’s influence within the institution. Rather than initiating formal intervention, the coordinator encouraged E to speak directly with her advisor and assured her that things would work themselves out.
Three hours later, E’s advisor finally answered the phone. It had been two weeks since they had last spoken. At first, the advisor again insisted that more time was needed. But once E mentioned contacting the coordinator, the conversation shifted immediately into rage.
E was “the worst student” she had ever supervised. She was disagreeable, difficult, and childish. The verbal attack continued until E’s partner finally took the phone from E’s shaking hands and ended the call. Instead of celebrating what should have been one of the proudest moments of her academic career, E was left sobbing from her advisor’s abuse. (Earthy Colours, 2020).
Two days before the dissertation defense, E had to meet with her advisor one final time to prepare. Nervous but ready, E had spent the week rehearsing and reviewing her material. Instead of offering reassurance, however, her advisor smirked at every stumble caused by E’s anxiety. Rather than helping her strengthen the presentation, the advisor told E she was not resilient enough and was unprepared to defend her work. When E finally burst into tears from the mounting pressure and snide comments, E’s advisor just sat there coldly and watched.
Yet on the day of the defense itself, E finally felt something close to joy. Surrounded by family and friends eager to celebrate her accomplishments, she presented her research with confidence and enthusiasm. The faculty panel praised the dissertation as thoughtful, rigorous, and well-constructed.
Then her advisor spoke. Instead of congratulating E, the advisor spent nearly twenty minutes recounting conflicts that had occurred throughout the project and criticizing the dissertation as unfinished and unpolished. The atmosphere in the room shifted from celebratory to deeply uncomfortable. Other faculty members exchanged uncertain glances while E’s family and friends sat in stunned silence.
E ultimately passed her dissertation defense with flying colors. But despite the achievement, she left the program emotionally depleted, anxious, and hollow (Earthy Colours, 2020).
Months later, after gaining some distance from the experience, E considered formally reporting her advisor’s behavior. She was discouraged from doing so. Other students, though privately describing similar treatment, were afraid of retaliation. And with a long publication record and significant institutional influence, E’s advisor remained largely protected from meaningful accountability.
Why Academic Abuse Persists: A System that Punishes its Victims
The structure of many PhD programs creates conditions where abuse can thrive.
Graduate students depend heavily on advisors for funding, mentorship, networking opportunities, recommendation letters, and career advancement. At the same time, there is often little oversight or accountability in advising relationships. Universities frequently prioritize faculty grant funding, publications, and institutional prestige over mentorship quality or student well-being (Ziani, 2021).
As a result, harmful behavior can be ignored for years, especially when abusive faculty are considered academically valuable and only receive minor slaps on the wrist (Grad, 2022).
Students who speak up risk retaliation, damaged reputations, delayed graduation, or career instability (Grad, 2022). Many remain silent simply to survive.
How Universities Can Prevent Academic Abuse
Universities, faculty, and students all have a role to play in creating academic environments built on mentorship and support rather than fear and intimidation.
Universities can begin by evaluating faculty not only on academic achievement, but also on interpersonal skills, mentorship ability, and emotional intelligence during the hiring process. Institutions should also establish clear and accessible channels for students and staff to report abusive behavior without fear of retaliation. Most importantly, universities must enforce zero-tolerance policies for bullying and harassment, with meaningful consequences regardless of a faculty member’s status or publication record (Ziani, 2021).
Faculty and students also share responsibility in shaping academic culture. Holding peers accountable for toxic behavior and promoting collaboration, respect, and constructive mentorship can help foster an environment where scholars are encouraged to grow rather than pressured into developing “thick skin” through humiliation and abuse.
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References
Earthy Colours. (2020, Aug 25). I was in a toxic relationship with my academic advisor. Medium. https://medium.com/@EarthyColours/i-was-in-a-toxic-relationship-with-my-academic-advisor-402f4cb3c38a
Grad Student Success Coaching. (2022, July 5). Academic bullying Graduate Student Abuse. https://gradstudentsuccess.com/academic-bullying
Ziani Z. (2021, Dec. 1). Why is Bullying so Frequent in Academia? Diagnostics and Solutions for Bully-Proof Organizations. The Organizational Plumber. https://www.theorgplumber.com/post/bullying-in-academia
