Narcissistic Parents: How to Heal or Strengthen the Bond
by Mandie Schreck
Narcissistic Abuse is often correlated with spouses, partners, or even friends, but what if Narcissistic Abuse starts from the day some of us are born?
“A narcissistic parent can be defined as someone who lives through, is possessive of, and/or engages in marginalizing competition with the offspring” (Ni, 2016 ). Children and teenagers can be very receptive and impressionable to the standards, views, and influences their parents raise them with. Many children are encouraged to follow their dreams, question things for themselves, and learn about their likes and dislikes as they grow. However, some children are not given mental and emotional autonomy to grow into their own persona or even think for themselves. As children grow into adults, their relationships with their parents can be strained if the control and parenting was narcissistic in nature.
What are some aspects of narcissistic parenting, and what can you do to help others in this situation or grow from your own past?
Recognize Marginalization
Instilling and cultivating confidence in ourselves begins at a very young age. With an upbringing in a narcissistic parenting environment, this is often diminished and even belittled. Marginalization happens when a parent tears down the child’s self-esteem and belittles their achievements. This negative self-talk can continue through adulthood and affect all future endeavors and aspirations. The process of rediscovering your own self-worth from years or even decades of mistreatment can be a long battle. When you recognize marginalization as merely self-projection from your parental source and not an accurate dictation of your worth, then you can fully heal.
Overcoming Guilt and a Lack of Nurturing
Guilt is a main psychological byproduct of a narcissistic upbringing and can affect how you view yourself and those around you. Self-doubt and feeling guilty for events or words spoken can be carried for many years after abuse from narcissistic parents. “A love that is based on manipulation and conditions is something that is known to them, whereas a love that is unconditional might seem quite terrifying” (Thomas, 2021). By setting actions and plans with your parents, you can have a less likely chance of feeling guilty when clear steps are set. Creating a safe space for yourself is key to feeling nurtured and overcoming the guilty feelings created by your past.
Establish Boundaries
In order to heal from a narcissistic parent and recover from abuse, boundaries are essential. Forgiving a narcissistic parent is one of the hardest things any of us who have suffered can do. However, forgiveness does not mean enabling the relationship to take control of your life as in the past. Taking control of the situation and learning to harness your inner strength by setting those boundaries will protect your emotional wellbeing (Hall, 2017 ). Establish communication guidelines such as what can and cannot be discussed. Also, create guidelines for when you will visit in person and keep the location public if that is more comfortable.
We at ARO are here to support you in your personal healing journey to complete wellbeing. We bring awareness and education to ten different types of abuse and help others heal and find peace.
If you would like to learn more and donate to help others find refuge, please visit GoARO.org.
Bibliography
Hall, J. L. “Raised by a Narcissist? 11 Healing Things to Do for Yourself Right Now.” Huffington Post. April 16, 2017. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/raised-by-a-narcissist-11-healing-things-to-do-for_b_58f2f864e4b015669722502e.
Ni, P. “10 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent.” Psychology Today. February 28, 2016. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent.
Thomas, N. “17 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent & How to Deal With Them.” Choosing Therapy. October 12, 2021.https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-parent/.
