Verbal Abuse can be difficult to overcome and even harder to set boundaries around. Establishing parameters for yourself can be a struggle when confronted with Verbal Abuse. How can you create a safe space for yourself where you have an open flow of healthy communication?

Recognize Unhealthy Communication Habits

The first step to creating healthy boundaries for yourself in a relationship of any kind is recognizing unhealthy communication and language. If you feel guilty, sad, or belittled in any way, start to see what words or phrases make you feel the opposite of uplifted and comforted. Begin to recognize any activating language that the relationship brings about daily. If it does not make you feel whole and complete, then it’s time to re-evaluate the communication in that relationship. Verbal Abuse ranges widely, so it’s best to notice small nuances in conversations. Such language can include condescending tone and verbiage, criticizing everything you do, say, or even your appearance, including blame, manipulation, or degradation. This is why it is crucial to recognize unhealthy habits in everyday communication and confront them as they happen (Pietrangelo, 2019).

Communicate Your Feelings

When we feel unsafe, hurt, or unheard in any relationship, we should always speak our minds and let others know how we feel. It can be a very tough step in setting boundaries, but it can also be as simple as saying, “When you say ___, it makes me feel ___” (Resnick, 2021). Expressing your emotions with an example of what the other individual said can help eliminate misperceptions. Giving concrete examples and reasons why you feel hurt, upset, or saddened by what the other individual said will provide the utmost clarity to the conversation.

Setting Boundaries

To ensure your own physical and emotional wellbeing and safety, you must set boundaries precisely. Communicate to the other individual if they say any condescending or verbal attacks you will leave or stop communication altogether. Setting safe boundaries around lines of communication can also help. If the verbal attacks or degradation becomes violent or sparks other forms of abuse, block all contact and always reach out to a trusted source for assistance. Focusing on “I” statements will help empower you and create a barrier between you and an abuser (Behavioral Associates LA, 2016). Creating healthy boundaries by explaining your limits, setting expectations, and communicating your needs will keep a healthy, open flow of communication within all your relationships.

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References

Behavioral Associates LA. “The Power of Saying No: Communicating Your Boundaries.” Behavioral Associates LA. April 5, 2016. https://behavioralassociatesla.com/2016/04/05/the-power-of-saying-no-communicating-your-boundaries/.

Pietrangelo, A. “What Is Verbal Abuse? How to Recognize Abusive Behavior and What to Do Next.” Healthline. March 29, 2019. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/what-is-verbal-abuse#degradation.

Resnick, A. “How to Deal With Verbal Abuse.” Very Well Mind. October 27, 2021.https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-deal-with-verbal-abuse-5205616.